Buku Loyambira la Chibwenzi Chosavuta

Zamkati

• Mzere pakati pa zovuta ndi zazikulu ungakhale wovuta
• Kodi maubale amangokhala bwanji?
• Kodi ubale weniweni umawoneka bwanji?
• Chabwino, chibwenzi chachilendo = polyamory, sichoncho?
• Kukhala ndi chibwenzi mwachisawawa sikuyenera kutanthauza kugonana
• Kodi ndi chiyani?
• Zitha kukuthandizani kuzolowera chibwenzi
• Itha kukuthandizani kudziwa zomwe mukufuna (ndipo simukufuna)
• Zimakupatsani mwayi wosangalala ndi chibwenzi popanda kukakamizidwa
• Si aliyense, komabe
• Chilichonse chomwe mungachite, ulemu ndikofunika
• Lemekezani malire
• Osachita mzukwa
• Yesetsani kukhala oona mtima
• Sungani malonjezo
• Musaiwale za kudzisamalira
• Tengani nthawi yanu
• Osanyalanyaza maubale ena
• Samalani ndi thanzi lanu
• Ngati mumakhudzidwa kwambiri
• Mfundo yofunika

Poyamba kuchita manyazi, kukhala pachibwenzi nthawi zambiri kumawoneka ngati njira yokhayo yopezera malumikizano atsopano ndikuchepetsa kusungulumwa osakopeka kwambiri.

Zosangalatsa zonse, zopanda vuto, sichoncho?

Ngakhale kuti chibwenzi chamasiku onse chimatha kuyenda bwino kwa onse omwe akutenga nawo mbali, sizovuta kwenikweni nthawi zonse. Zinthu zimatha kukhala zovuta kwambiri, makamaka ngati simukudziwa chifukwa chake mukukhala pachibwenzi kapena zomwe mukufuna.

Mukuganiza zopereka zibwenzi wamba? Kumbukirani zotsatirazi.

Mzere pakati pa zovuta ndi zazikulu ungakhale wovuta

Ngati simukudziwa kwenikweni tanthauzo la kukhala pachibwenzi, simuli nokha. Sikuti aliyense amatanthauzira mofananamo, ndipo nthawi zambiri "mzere" wolekanitsa chibwenzi chabwinobwino komanso wamba chimakhala chosokoneza.

Mwachitsanzo, kodi mudakali pachibwenzi ndi munthu wina ngati mwawafotokozera banja lanu? Kodi mungatani ngati mupita limodzi limodzi?

Nawa ma FAQ ena ochepa oti muganizire.

Kodi maubale amangokhala bwanji?

Kukhala pachibwenzi nthawi zambiri nthawi zambiri (koma osati nthawi zonse) sikupezeka.

Anthu nthawi zambiri amaganiza kuti ndibwino kuwona anthu ena pokhapokha pakhala pakukambirana momveka bwino zopeka. Komabe, nthawi zonse kumakhala kwanzeru kukhala ndi zokambirana zapadera panthawi ina kuti muwonetsetse kuti onse ali patsamba limodzi.

Nthawi zambiri, kuchita zibwenzi wamba kumafotokoza:

• china chodziwika bwino kuposa "abwenzi omwe ali ndi phindu" kapena kulumikizana
• kulumikizana komwe kumakhudza kukondana pang'ono pamalingaliro
• mikhalidwe yomwe ilibe zolemba zaubwenzi
• Zomwe mumakonda kuti muzisangalala, osati kudzipereka

Kodi ubale weniweni umawoneka bwanji?

Anthu nthawi zambiri amakhala pachibwenzi pachiyembekezo chopeza chibwenzi chokhazikika mpaka nthawi yayitali.

Maubwenzi apamtima nthawi zambiri amaphatikizapo:

• kukondana kwambiri
• maubwenzi monga "bwenzi," "mnzake," kapena "wina wofunika"
• kudzipereka kwathunthu
• zokambirana zina za tsogolo lanu limodzi

Chabwino, chibwenzi chachilendo = polyamory, sichoncho?

Kwenikweni ayi.

Anthu ambiri amadzipereka kwa bwenzi limodzi lokha (kapena kukhala ndi mwamuna mmodzi) zinthu zikafika poipa. Koma mutha kukhala ndi zibwenzi zazikulu ngakhale mutakhala osakwatirana. Kuphatikiza apo, kungocheza mosavutikira ndi anthu angapo sizofanana ndi polyamory.

Kukhala pachibwenzi ndi makolo chifukwa chofuna kuchita zinthu zambiri kungakhale kophatikizana ndipo maubale akulu. Anthu ambiri okhala ndi polyamorous amakhala ndiubwenzi wapamtima, wodzipereka ndi munthu m'modzi (mnzake woyamba) ndikuwona anzawo anzawo momasuka. Ena atha kukhala ndi zibwenzi zochepa, zophatikizika zambiri, kapena maubwenzi ena.

Monga momwe zimakhalira ndi maubwenzi ena onse, kupambana kwa ma polyamory kumadalira kulumikizana pafupipafupi, moona mtima komanso malire omveka bwino.

Kukhala ndi chibwenzi mwachisawawa sikuyenera kutanthauza kugonana

Anthu ambiri amakhulupirira kuti kuchita zibwenzi ndi njira ina yonena kuti kugonana musanakwatirane, koma sizikhala choncho nthawi zonse.

Mosiyana ndi FWB ndi zochitika zina, zibwenzi wamba zimagwira ntchito ngati magawo aubwenzi, ngakhale atafotokozedwa momasuka.

Anthu omwe amangokhala pachibwenzi mwachizolowezi:

• nenani "masiku," osati "ma hangout" kapena "kuzizira"
• Kulemberana mameseji kapena kuimbirana foni pafupipafupi
• konzani zolimba komanso muziyankhulana mukamafunika kusiya
• sangalalani kukhala limodzi ndi amuna kapena akazi anu limodzi

Zachidziwikire, mutha kugonana. Kwa anthu ambiri, chimenecho ndi mbali ya zosangalatsa za chibwenzi chamasiku onse. Koma mutha kukhala pachibwenzi popanda kugonana.

Chofunika kwambiri ndichakuti inu ndikufuna kuchoka pachibwenzi.Sikuti aliyense amafuna kugonana, ndipo ndizabwino kwambiri. Mwinamwake muli pansi chifukwa cha magawo olemera opangira, bola zovala zikhalebe. Mutha kukhala omasuka kugona usiku wonse ndikugona limodzi osagonana.

Kulankhula ndi okondedwa anu za malire kumatha kuwapatsa chithunzi chabwino cha zomwe mukufuna kuyambira masiku anu ndikuwapatsa mwayi wosankha ngati zolinga zanu zikugwirizana.

Kodi ndi chiyani?

Ngati kukhala pachibwenzi sikutanthauza kugonana, mwina mungadzifunse kuti cholinga chake ndi chiyani. Kuphatikiza apo, anthu omwe amalimbikitsidwa kuti azigonana nthawi zambiri amakwaniritsa zosowa zawo kudzera pamaubwenzi kapena maubale a FWB.

Chifukwa chake, bwanji mukuvutikira ndi chibwenzi chamasiku onse?

Zitha kukuthandizani kuzolowera chibwenzi

Kukhala pachibwenzi mwachisawawa kumatha kukhala gawo limodzi pakusintha pakati pazolumikizana ndi kulumikizana kwakukulu. Sikuti aliyense amakhala womasuka kukhala pachibwenzi mozama (kapena pachibwenzi).

Mutha kupeza kuti ubale ndi wovuta kwambiri ngati:

• kuopa kukanidwa
• kulimbana ndi chibwenzi
• adakumana ndi maubale kapena maubwenzi

Kukhala pachibwenzi mosasamala kungakuthandizeni kukhala ndi lingaliro lolumikizana kwambiri ndi anthu musanalowe muubwenzi wanthawi yayitali. Ngakhale inu chitani ndikufuna chibwenzi, lingaliro lomwelo lingakuchititseni mantha ndikukulepheretsani kukhala pachibwenzi.

Itha kukuthandizani kudziwa zomwe mukufuna (ndipo simukufuna)

Kukhala pachibwenzi ndi njira yabwino yochepetsera zomwe zili zofunika kwa inu pachibwenzi.

Mwachitsanzo, mutha kuphunzira kuti zomwe mukufuna ndi munthu amene:

• ali ndi ndandanda yofananira
• akufuna kugonana nthawi zonse
• amasangalala kudzuka molawirira
• samangoganizira za kadyedwe

Mosiyana, mungaone kuti zinthu izi sizingakuthandizeni kwenikweni.

Zimakupatsani mwayi wosangalala ndi chibwenzi popanda kukakamizidwa

Pomaliza, kuchita zibwenzi wamba kumapereka mwayi kwa anthu omwe akufuna kukhala osakwatiwa kuti azisangalala ndi masiku komanso machitidwe ofanana ndi omwe ali ndi malingaliro ofanana. Muthabe kusangalala ndi zochitika monga kuvina, kuwonera kanema, kapena kulawa vinyo osafuna kugonana kapena kuyamba chibwenzi.

Ndizotheka kusangalala ndi izi ndi anzanu, inde, koma chibwenzi chimakupatsaninso mwayi wosangalala ndi kukopa ndikuyembekeza kuthekera kopsompsona kapena kulumikizana.

Si aliyense, komabe

Chibwenzi chamasewera chimagwiritsidwanso ntchito, koma sichimagwira aliyense.

Mwina inu:

• amakonda kukhala ndi chikondi champhamvu mutangotenga mbali
• ndikufuna kucheza ndi munthu yemwe akufuna kulingalira zamtsogolo limodzi
• Mukufuna ubale wodziwika bwino
• amakonda kupanga kulumikizana kwamphamvu kwamalingaliro

Zinthu izi zitha kubwereka kapena sizingapangitse kuti akhale pachibwenzi chopambana. Kumapeto kwa tsikulo, ngati chibwenzi chamasiku onse chimakhala "chosafunikira" kwa inu, ndiye chifukwa chabwino chodumpha.

Chilichonse chomwe mungachite, ulemu ndikofunika

Mukamacheza ndi anthu ambiri, mwina mungakumane ndi maubwenzi, malingaliro, ndi machitidwe osiyanasiyana. Anthu nthawi zonse samachitira ena zabwino, ndipo amatha kuchita zinthu zosaganizira ena.

Tsoka ilo, simungasinthe anthu ena. Komabe, malangizo otsatirawa angakuthandizeni kudzipereka kuti mukhale aulemu komanso achifundo pakhalidwe lanu.

Lemekezani malire

Malire azibwenzi amatha kuyambira pamalingaliro mpaka kuthupi mpaka kugonana.

Mukamakhala pachibwenzi ndi anthu angapo, kumbukirani kuti mwina sangafune kukambirana za anzawo kapena kumva za anu. Chifukwa chake, funsani musanalankhule nkhani yokhudza tsiku lanu laposachedwa kwambiri kapena kugawana momwe mukusangalalira tsiku lotsatira.

Mwinanso mungafune kukambirana koyambirira pamalire azakugonana. Ngati sakufuna kugonana, lemekezani chisankhocho.

Sikuti zosowa za aliyense ndizogwirizana, ndiye ngati izi sizikugwirani ntchito, ndibwino kunena choncho (mwaulemu).

Osachita mzukwa

Zosasangalatsa sizitanthauza zopanda pake.

Kutaya mnzanu popanda mawu sikumangokhala kopanda ulemu komanso kopanda chifundo, koma kumawachititsanso nkhawa komanso kusokonezeka. Amatha kumva chisoni ndi zomwe adalakwitsa kapena angadzifunse ngati china chachitika ndi inu.

Ngati simukufuna kupitiriza chibwenzi ndi munthu wina, muuzeni pamasom'pamaso. Mutha kuchisunga mwachidule komanso moona mtima osafotokoza mwatsatanetsatane. Ngati mwamtheradi simungathe kubweretsa nokha kuti muchite izi, kuyimba foni kapena kulembera ndikwabwino kuposa chilichonse.

Taganizirani izi motere: Mumawasamala zokwanira kuti mupite masiku angapo, chifukwa chake akuyenera kudziwa kuti simusangalalanso.

Yesetsani kukhala oona mtima

Kuwona mtima ndikofunikira nthawi zonse. Mukamakhala pachibwenzi, ngati simuulula zolinga zanu patsogolo, mwina mwadala kapena chifukwa choti simukukhulupirira zomwe mukufuna, zinthu zimatha kukhala zovuta komanso zosokoneza.

Mukayamba kuwona munthu watsopano, tchulani zomwe mukuyang'ana. Anthu ena sangafotokozere zakukhosi kwawo mpaka atafunsidwa, chifukwa chake mufunseni za zibwenzi zawo.

Onetsetsani kuti mudzayang'anenso ndi munthu wina ngati zolinga izi zisintha.

Sungani malonjezo

Kuphatikizidwa kwanthawi zina nthawi zina kumamveka ngati kutsika patsogolo.

Mutha kupangana ndi munthu koma osakhala ndi chidwi tsiku lisanakwane, makamaka ngati wina akukufunsani. Sizachilendo kumva kuti mukuyesedwa ndi "mwayi wabwino," koma lingalirani za momwe mungamvere ngati zoterezi zikakuchitikirani.

Ngati mukumva bwino, khalani oona mtima nawo ndipo muwafunse ngati sangakonzekenso. Kupanda kutero, gwiritsitsani zomwe mudapanga pokhapokha mutakhala ndi chifukwa chomveka choti musatero. Mwanjira iliyonse, onetsetsani kuti simukuwasiya atapachikidwa.

Ngati mulibe chidwi chowawonanso, ndibwino kukhala owona mtima kuposa kupanga mapulani ndikuziletsa, makamaka ngati izi zakhala chizolowezi.

Musaiwale za kudzisamalira

Kutopa, kusungulumwa, kuda nkhawa zakutsogolo, kukhumudwa pakugonana, kukhala ndi nkhawa nthawi zambiri kumawoneka ngati yankho labwino pamavutowa. Zitha kuthandizadi ngati zovuta izi ndizochepa kapena zakanthawi.

Ngati china chake chachikulu chikufotokozereni, kukhala pachibwenzi sikungathandize kuthana ndi vuto lenileni. Nthawi zambiri mumafunikira chithandizo kuchokera kwa othandizira kuti muthe kuthana ndi nkhawa kapena kukhumudwa, mwachitsanzo.

Ngakhale mutakhala ndi nthawi yayikulu komanso mukumva otetezeka m'chibwenzi chanu, ndikofunikira kuti muwonetsetse kuti simukunyalanyaza ubale wanu ndi inu nokha.

Tengani nthawi yanu

Aliyense amafunika kukhala yekha. Kupita masiku pafupipafupi kumawoneka ngati kosangalatsa, poyamba. Atha kukutenthetsani ndikupangitsani kuti muziopa tsiku lotsatira.

Onetsetsani kuti mwapatula nthawi yopuma ndi kupumula nokha. Ngati chibwenzi chimakulepheretsani nthawi yochita zosangalatsa kapena zinthu zina zomwe mumakonda, ganizirani zochepetsera masiku pang'ono.

Osanyalanyaza maubale ena

Kulumikizana ndi anthu atsopano kungakuthandizeni kukulitsa moyo wanu ndikuyesa zinthu zomwe simungamachite nthawi zambiri. Musaiwale kupitiliza kucheza ndi anzanu komanso okondedwa anu. Maubwenzi awa ndiofunikanso.

Samalani ndi thanzi lanu

Nthawi zonse kumakhala kwanzeru kuchitapo kanthu kuti mukhalebe patsogolo pa thanzi lanu lachiwerewere, kaya muli pachibwenzi chachikulu kapena mwamwayi.

Ngati mukuchita chibwenzi mwachisawawa ndikugonana, khalani ndi chizolowezi chogwiritsa ntchito kondomu ndi njira zina zopinga. Ndibwinonso kukayezetsa pafupipafupi matenda opatsirana pogonana.

Ngati mumakhudzidwa kwambiri

Ngakhale mukufuna kukhala ndi zinthu wamba, malingaliro anu atha kusintha mosayembekezeka. Mutha kukhala omangika kuzitulutsa chifukwa choopa kuti muwononga zabwino zomwe mwachita.

Ndikofunika kunena zoona, komabe. Kwa onse omwe mukudziwa, apanga zomwezo. Ngakhale samva chimodzimodzi, kusunga chidwi chanu mwachinsinsi kumatha kukupweteketsani inuyo chibwenzicho sichikupita.

Mlandu woyipitsitsa, amakukanani kapena amasankha kuthetsa zomwe mukuchita pakadali pano. Kulandira izi kumatha kukhudza, koma monga momwe mumafunira kuti azilemekeza zosowa zanu ndi malire anu, muyenera kuwapatsa ulemu womwewo.

Mfundo yofunika

Kukhala pachibwenzi mwachisawawa sikungakhale kwa aliyense, ndipo sizovuta nthawi zonse momwe zimawonekera. Kwa anthu ambiri, komabe, imapereka njira yotsika kwambiri kuti musangalale kucheza ndi munthu amene mumakopeka naye osadandaula za kudzipereka kapena tsogolo lanu limodzi.

Ngati mukuponya chipewa chanu mphete yachibwenzi, musaiwale kukhala patsogolo pazokhudza malire ndi zolinga zanu pachibwenzi.